This is a guest post from Annika Rose about her being recently divorced.
One of the most complicated things about a divorce is quite possibly also one of the main reasons for the marriage to end in the first place: healthy, positive communication… or well, lack thereof.
I am still in the early stages of my divorce; we have both filed but haven’t been to any type of court yet. I feel a little bit like a puppy that was loved by a family that has now been thrown out into the rain. Don’t get me wrong… I saw my divorce coming and it was painful but I didn’t have any idea on how to avoid it either. I tried many different things to try to make my marriage work but it just… didn’t. He wasn’t willing to work on it, to him there was no problem.
Then, I left and everything changed. All the sudden my husband, Robert, called to get us into marriage counseling, which he always refused. He wanted to love and appreciate me for the first time in the long time and he was throwing himself at me and acting like a maniac to get me to come home. But, I didn’t and I wouldn’t and though I love him and wish I could’ve saved our family I’m glad I stuck to my guns now. The passion was gone. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with in my life. We have been together since I was 14 years old (I am now nearly 22) and we have a son named Sam, who is 3 this spring.
My husband has lied. He has lied so much that his lies are starting to contradict each other and it just continues to compile. He has a female on the side, Rachelle, who he took to his family Christmas WITH our son when we had a clear agreement to not have anyone else (of the opposite sex as love interest) near him. Christmas Eve at 2am, he brought me flowers and stayed the night at my house telling me how much he loved me and wanted to work it out.
Then the SAME DAY took another woman to Christmas with my in-law family who has been like my family for 8 years. The only reason I found out was because she called him while he was at my apartment dropping off my son and said she needed her keys from him. I then asked why he had her keys and he STILL LIED. Until he finally admitted he was lying and told me the truth. Well holy crap, thanks for that because I had no idea.
No More Us…
The point of this is that I have no positive conversations anymore with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He refuses to apologize or admit any wrong-doing in the entire situation and I just can’t do it. The anger and hurt feelings take over every time I speak to or text him and I just want to yell at him and punch him in the face. But I refuse to do that. I will carry myself like a lady and I will take the high road, even if he makes it really hard to do sometimes. But as of right now I’m just abstaining from all contact with him that isn’t absolutely necessary because if we try to just talk it just ends up in a fight anyway. I’m hurt and I’m lost but I will get myself out of this and come out stronger.
I am lucky enough to have a strong family foundation and wonderful friends that would bend over backwards for me but it doesn’t make it any easier that I can’t talk to the man I married. No, not the man I currently share a last name with, but the man I married. THAT Robert would be so upset and saddened by treating me this way, that man was my best friend and my everything for a very long time and now it just seems like he’s gone.
That is exactly why I’m glad I didn’t give in when he flipped out and wanted me to come home so bad when I left, because he is not that man. He was just making me feel like he was and doing what he thought I wanted him to do out of desperation. He has already moved on from an 8-year relationship and 3-year marriage in a matter of weeks. I have every reason to be ready to move on but I’m just not. I feel like if what he was doing was genuine, it would’ve taken longer for him to find someone new.
Hoping to let go…
I hope one day the anger subsides, however I think this will sting for a long time to come. Honestly, probably forever. I’m ready to recreate myself and learn and grow as an individual. Robert and I got together when I was so young that I never truly had a chance to find my passions and embrace my strengths. I’m ready to explore who I am, love myself and love my son.
I will learn to cope with the pain,
I will endure the parting,
And, I will pick up the pieces.
Are you going through a recent divorce or breakup? Any words of encouragement for Annika? As she goes through this journey she will share piece by piece, so please follow us on Facebook to get the updates!